Welcome to Agony Aunty! Every month the Agony Aunty gives YOU advice on your problems. If you’d like them to weigh in your life, email them at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line “Agony Aunty.”
Hey Agony Aunty! It’s Stuck in the Suburbs.
I have recently felt incredibly suffocated by the area I live in. Everything is here for me, my nearest and dearest, and a clear trajectory for my career. I thought this would be enough, but I have this really deep yearning to go somewhere and just explore. I feel there is more to who I am other than my roots to this place, but I feel I am being irrational by wanting to take this plunge. Am I being delusional?
Hi Stuck in the Suburbs,
Our emotions are a compass. They are trying to lead us to an equilibrium aligned to our true purpose. If you have an itch, definitely scratch it. There is no harm in trying — if this place is where your nearest and dearest live, they will be there when you get back! Your home base will never go away.
It’s easy to feel irrational or delusional when a course of action requires a huge leap of faith and confidence, but in order to make it feel more approachable, make a list of necessary steps to take to get your affairs in order. The way our emotions are a compass, a plan is (obviously) a map that shows us the way.
Although life can seem long at times, it is quite short. It seems as if not enough is tethering you to this place to squash your inclinations, and if that is the case, definitely go for it. Responsibilities change and evolve, and if you are in a place where the mutability of your life is feasible, why not dive in? Often we are defined in our identity by the roles we play for the people in our lives, and you owe it to yourself to define the relationship you have with yourself.
Often we are defined in our identity by the roles we play for the people in our lives, and you owe it to yourself to define the relationship you have with yourself.
Hi Agony Aunty! It’s Masked and Ashamed.
I recently started getting into makeup again for the first time since high school, and it’s something I feel like I’ve gotten good at as a way to feel good about myself. As wedding season has come to a close, I’ve noticed a lot of my family members making general comments to other people about how I’ve changed, and it makes me really self conscious about standing out or not. It’s crazy because I use makeup as a way to feel more comfortable in my skin, but all the comments make me feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I really don’t want to change, but it’s giving me a lot of unnecessary anxiety about the way I’m being perceived when I do a full beat.
Hey Masked and Ashamed,
When we switch things up, it’s likely that we can be hyperconscious of being perceived because we are already conscious of the fact that we are doing something new and potentially out of our comfort zone. This can also look different based on reframing your perspective.
They are likely reacting to your confidence, which is a reaction that you are having to yourself upon making a positive change that makes you feel good! When our energy changes, the people around us are incredibly sensitive to it. Keep your head up high and FLEX. This is about how it makes YOU feel. Most people’s reactions are all bark and no bite — let the way it makes you feel be as fleeting as their words.
Additionally, many people don’t know how to articulate a change in energy, so they communicate what they can see rather than what they feel. What people say is a reflection of what they see in themselves, and often times it can be limited. Ultimately, we cannot control the external factors, but rather the way we allow them to affect us. The power is yours, and the proof is in the pudding — or rather, the under eye bake!