Tuesday, September 19

Hasan Bhai-Jaan at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

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Watch him drag the “Orange Man behind the Muslim Ban.”

Last night, everyone’s funniest cousin Hasan Minhaj hosted the White House Correspondents Dinner. The President and most of his administration decided to skip the event, probably because he “can’t take a joke,” but that didn’t stop Minhaj from dragging him, along with the journalists in the room.

“I get why Donald Trump didn’t want to be roasted tonight,” Minhaj said, “by the looks of him, he’s been roasting non-stop for the past 70 years.”

Last year, he hosted the Radio and Television Correspondents’ Dinner, where he also got real with Congress about gun control. Back then, the country’s political future was still being decided. This year, it all looks bleak.

Last night, Minhaj’s jokes were often met with scattered laughter — probably because journalists were afraid that, if they laughed too hard at the expense of Trump, they might not be let back into the White House Press Room.

Minhaj didn’t try to hide how he felt about Trump, either. “You know Donald Trump doesn’t drink right? Does not touch alcohol. Which is oddly respectable! But think about that. That means — every statement, every interview, every tweet — completely sober. How is that possible?!”

But his roasts weren’t limited to the Orange Furby that runs this country. Minhaj was also holding the press in that room accountable for the things they said.

“Fox News is here. I’m amazed you guys even showed up. How are you here in public?” Minhaj laughed incredulously. “Bill O’Reilly has been fired. But then, you gave him a $25 million dollar severance package, making it the only package he won’t force a woman to touch.” Drag them, bhai-jaan.

He didn’t let the liberal media off the hook, either. MSNBC was also accused of their dramatic tendencies. “You’re the liberal news outlet!…I want to root for you guys, but you’re turning into conspiracy theorists,” Minhaj claimed. “Every night, you’re like, ‘The Russians hacked our elections!’ Meanwhile, everybody in Latin America and the Middle East is like ‘Oh, a foreign government tampered with your elections? What is that like? Do tell MSNBC!’”

Minhaj is still hopeful about the press. “Your work is invaluable. And I mean that, as a fake journalist,” he said. “We’re a hundred days in, 1,360 days to go. You guys are running the marathon, and I’m at the halfway mark giving you tape for your nipples.” Thoughtful.

Despite all the roasting, Minhaj was clearly amazed he had this opportunity. “Only in America,” he claimed, “can a first generation Indian American Muslim kid get on this stage and make fun of the President.” It’s true, Bhai-Jaan, and thank you for doing God’s work.

Watch the full thing below:

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